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#161 Posted : Thursday, June 27, 2013 1:15:59 PM(UTC)
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Jennifer, Courteney, JLo, Britney, and Bey came over last night.

It was an interesting night to say the least.

We played "Mute".

Its a game where everybody sits on the floor and you ask each other questions.

The object of the game is to get someone in the game to react to what it is your saying.

They react by saying "Mute" which means "I give" essentially.

Thats when the person asking the questions has to stop and change the subject.

Um you can say anything about anything just as long as its about someone who is playing.

This is a tough game to play. People get upset. Break up. Cheat. Hook up.

Speaking of hooking up I would have never ever EVER played this game with Bey.

This is the "You did!" and "You shouldn't have!" game. 

You confess without confessing. This game has legs of its own. An echo.

Nobody wanted to play but Jennifer insisted and when she insists we all eventually "give in" and play along.

Just between you and me I think Jennifer wanted to play because she had Courteney and me finally

in the same place at the same time and wanted to know what happened when she was away.

So anyway back to the game.

It was still my turn when I got Jennifer to say "mute" for the third consecutive time.

Courteney had had enough and walked out of the room.

Jennifer jumped up and ran after her to bring her back.

It was difficult to wait there for them to come back inside.

We could all hear Jennifer apologizing over and over again.

She was essentially blaming me for something that she did.

Something that I had nothing to do with.

They eventually walked back into the room.

None of us let on that we had heard their entire conversation.

Jennifer's entire apology.

Courteney wouldn't look at anybody, her head down, her hair pulled forward as if to hide her face.

Jennifer was very angry with me.

She started staring at me.

Her eyes sharp and pointy.

They got a couple of bottles of Smart water and joined us back on the floor.

Then she pointed at me and said, "Watch it."

Everybody turns and looks at me. Like I'm the guilty party.

I say, "You know what maybe this wasn't such a good idea um lets stop playing."

Jennifer says loudly, "No no don't stop on my account.

We want to play. Just play! Its still your turn. Give everybody a chance to play too."

I turn to look at Britney.

She's beautiful she really is. Americana at its hot hot best.

She has this aura. This warmness about her.

That smile of hers an open invitation that invites you in again and again and again.

She doesn't understand what's happening so she acts like she's above it.

Jennifer keeps saying "mute" before all of the juicy details about her sex life come out 

so nobody knows what's going on.

As I try to act like nothing happened I can feel the weight of Jennifer's stare.

She's thinking about it. Plotting her revenge against me to cover up the truth.

As far as she's concerned as soon as they leave I'm dead.

I say, "Okay. Fine. Lets play."

I look at JLo.

Her smile goes away.

I say to her, "Did you ever cheat on Marc Anthony while you were married?"

The room stays quiet. No one makes a sound.

She looks down at her toes. She doesn't answer.

Then I look at Britney and I say, "Did you sleep with Kobe Bryant?"

Jennifer looks at me with her mouth wide open as if to say "That was a secret!"

I look away. Courteney still staring at me hard.

Britney looks up at the ceiling and then down on the floor.

She starts fiddling with her bunny slipper.

The room still quiet. I can almost hear Bey daring me to ask her something. Anything.

Since I got Jennifer to say "mute" three consecutive times to start the game

I get to go three additional times. Thats why I'm the only one asking anyone anything.

Then I say to JLo, "Does Jay..."

Bey says "mute".

Jennifer stands up without looking at me and says, "I need to speak to you outside for a sec."

So I get up. Everybody else looking at the floor.

Jennifer holds the door open for me as we leave.

Then Courteney says loudly, "Hurry up its my turn after Britney."

We walk down the hall. Down the stairs. Passed the kitchen. Through the living room

and into her study. She walks in and stands by her huge huge desk.

Then she says, "Shut the door."

She takes my hand, walks me to the middle of the room.

Walks me away from the door or any open windows.

She looks up at me.

Then she says quietly, "We don't hang out that often.

I want her to have a good time. I want her to want to come back here again.

She's not going to come back my Love if you keep doing what you are doing."

Caressing my face as she says it.

I said quielty, "Jennifer what am I doing? What is it now?"

She replies, "These are guests. Friends of ours now. I want you to show them the respect that they deserve."

Then she said, "There are other things that you can say without getting that personal."

I look at her and say, "Jennifer, what would you like me to say? I told you we shouldn't play.

I knew this was going to happen. You lied to Courteney. You blamed me about Sandra.

Jennifer I had nothing to do with that."


I say back to her, "Jennifer, everybody knows. Everybody knows."

Then I said, "The whole hotel heard it for Christ sake!"

She just looks at me.

Then I said, "You know what, you know what, I don't want to play anymore.

Jennifer you can't have your pies and eat them too. I'm not going to be your excuse.

I'm not going to be Demi Moore anymore! I'm not going to be there when you decide its okay

for you to come out from whatever it is that your hiding."

She looks at me, smiles, flips her hair and says,

"This discussion is finished. We have guests. Your going to go back in there and behave yourself.

Apologize. Lose the game if you must. Let them win.

I don't want to hear about what you can't do. I don't want to hear anything at all. Understand."











#162 Posted : Thursday, June 27, 2013 8:17:27 PM(UTC)
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We are in bed looking at all the wooden beams in the ceiling.

You turn on your side to face me.

I can feel you staring at me.

Your wondering what I'm thinking about.

Your hair, your legs resting on me.

I don't want to leave.

My phone starts singing quietly.

Its a message from "Reeses".

((**911 Help is on the way. The National Guard is coming your way.**))

I show you the message.

You roll back over to look up at the ceiling again, your not happy.

The news not what you wanted to hear.

Jennifer walks in quietly wearing only my hockey jersey, her hair wrapped up in a towel.

She steps over everybody sleeping.

I reach up and give her my phone.

She whispers loudly, "What now?"

She reads it and says, "Great, that's just great."

She gives me my phone back.

I kiss you and tell you, "Stay here I'll be right back."

I get up.

I look around the room. The fireplace still burning.

The static on the television.

The place covered with bodies everywhere.

Britney all curled up sleeping next to Bey who is sleeping next to Kelly.

Katy is fast asleep on the couch next to Taylor as JLo sleeps sideways in Jennifer's oversized love seat.

I carefully make my way to the window.

I look outside.

I don't see any of our cars out there.

Its snowing much harder than it was before.

The wind whistling even louder now.

I think to myself, there's got to be several feet of snow out there.

Jennifer walks up behind me and stands next to me.

I say to her still looking out the window, "Where's Demi, Megan, Lucy, and Courteney?"

She says, "Sleeping upstairs."

Then she says, "Cameron, Sandra, and Gwyneth are in the kitchen making everybody still awake a midnight snack."

Then she hugs me and looks up at me.

I kiss her because she is so hard to resist.

Then she says, "Do you, are you in love with her?"

I act like I don't hear the question that she insists on asking me over and over again.

I take her hand as we watch the snowfall.

Its a beautiful ranch her place.

Privately private in a remote remote area.

Its at least a mile drive to the main road and twenty minutes to town so any help will take time to get to us.

Then she says, "This is all my fault."

I say, "No no its not. You were right to put this whole thing together.

Bring everybody back together again in a place where we could all be together.

I think Britney appreciated it. I know I did. It was good for us to finally talk everything out.

Courteney apologized to me which was something I didn't expect."

Then she says resting her head on my shoulder, "Um they say we are running out of food.

Gwyneth thinks we have just a few days left until we run out completely."

I look at her, the overhead fan lights start to flicker on an off.

Then she says, "And did I mention that if this storm keeps up that we may lose power too.", smiling as she says it.









#163 Posted : Saturday, June 29, 2013 3:03:38 PM(UTC)
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Hi. I'm back from the dance.

Courteney just didn't want to stop.

We closed the place down.

Stayed late late late.

We decided to let strangers finally become "Friends".

We let it all happen out in the open so everybody could see it.

We did it in public. We did it quietly.

We did it for a long long time.

Um we decided to meet there.

I waited out front so she could see me.

At first I was by myself but gradually others started showing up to.

I thought to myself, "Why stand out here when the party is in there?"

And it was at that moment that I got my answer.

She arrived in a black black SUV. 

Everybody around me starting running around.

She got out and kissed everybody hello, signed some autographs, got her picture taken with fans

and then eventually made her way over to me to say hello.

I said, "I'm glad you made it. Are you ready?"

She smiled and said, "Yes, yes, I think I am."

She took my arm and we all walked in.

We said hello to everyone at the door and then she took more pictures with more fans

while I went to get her a drink.

Afterwards she walked over to me and hugged me from behind.

I could feel her dancing behind me, moving to the music.

I turned around and said, "Here." handing her her drink.

Thren I said, "I didn't know you like to dance too. 

Um maybe in alittle while you can show me how its done.", smiling as I said it.

She said, "Don't give me that. Jennifer told me the whole thing about you two 

slow dancing on her bed and the late night wrestling matches. 

She also told me about riding up and down in the elevator with the lights off."

I just looked at her.

Then she said, "What? You seriously think that we don't share information. Compare notes.", laughing as she said it.

Then I leaned in and said, "No actually I thought that what was hers was hers and what was yours was hers too."

Then I said, "So I guess I'm at the right place with the right person."

She just looked at me.

She put down her drink and looked at the dance floor and said, "So, you ready for this?"

She takes my hand and leads me out to the dance floor.

We start dancing.

Its a fast song with a good beat to it.

Courteney is a good good dancer.

Moves well. Makes it look effortless. 

She's leading me with her hips and her eyes.

The next song is slow slow song.

We move closer to each other.

She looks down as if she hasn't done this in awhile.

I say to her, "You know, Jennifer specifically told me not to get this close to you."

She smiles and laughs.

Then she says without looking at me, "She told me you were this way."

I say, "And what way is that?"

She says in my ear, "Sweet, polite, that you don't walk away.

You don't mingle around. You don't look for someone else instead."

I say pullling her closer to me, "Jennifer is your best friend.

She wants you to get out there again.

I'm glad that you chose me to be part of that long road back to dating again."

Then I say, "When she first made the suggestion that we go out I thought she was joking.

I mean um our history as friends hasn't been the best."

Then she said smiling, "We have had our moments haven't we.

Your right she is my best friend. I love her and I don't know what I'd do with out her.

I owe you an apology. She met you and I didn't know you. I was worried about her."

Then she said looking up at me, "I've changed my mind since then.

She saw something in you. Something she liked. So I said why not, lets go, it might even be fun."

I just looked at her.

Then she stopped dancing and said, "Why? Do you think this was a bad idea? 

I mean let me know and we can end it right now."

I pulled her close to me and kiss her.

Its a long kiss. I don't hear anything except for her.

We stop and I say, "I've been wanting to do that since we found the fuse box at the house by the lake."

Then I said, "I heard everything Courteney. I heard the whole thing.

I laid there in the dark and listened to the whole thing. It was a.. beautiful beautiful thing.

She just looked at me.

We ended up dancing all night long.

Only stopping for refreshments or whatever.

She's a huge huge star. In such high demand.

Sometimes they would walk up while we were dancing to get a picture or an autograph.

Sometime I would step aside and let someone else cut in and dance with her.

She was the reason to be there. The reason for everyone to stay.

I know it was her birthday that we were sopposed to be celebrating but it felt so much more

like mine instead. I'll never forget it.

I can't wait to do something like that again.

Something like that with you Maria. Something like that with you...







#164 Posted : Monday, July 01, 2013 3:11:44 PM(UTC)
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So I'm in JLo's huge huge bathroom taking a shower after watching the US National Cancer Awareness softball game.

Its a celebrity charity softball game to raise money and awareness to fight all kinds of cancers.

Bey walks in smiles and says, "Don't you ever get cold?"

I just smile and keep scrubbing.

She takes off her robe and turns on the other shower next to mine.

She's married so I don't look.

Then JLo walks in smiling and says,

"Nice catch there hot stuff doesn't it feel good to be on the winning side this time?"

She takes off her robe and enters the shower.

They high five and pat each other playfully on the backside.

JLo slips in in front of her and gets under the water. 

Her eyes closed her hair up in a ponytail.

Bey holding soap standing right beside her says,

"I think if they ask me to come back I will.

It was fun to get a hit.", smiling as she said it.

I turn to look at them as she is speaking.

It takes a lot of discipline not to look anywhere except at their eyes.

JLo rubbing Bey's back with a sponge asks,

"You didn't bring conditioner in here did you? I forgot to bring some in."

Bey says, "Yeah I have some um did you bring a razor? I forgot mine outside."

I say to her handing her my razor, "Here take mine. I'm trying to grow a mustache anyway."

They both look at me and laugh.

Jennifer walks into the shower.

"What's so funny in here?" she says with a funny growl.

Then she looks me up and down and says, "Oh that again."

JLo and Bey start laughing even louder now.

I look at her and say, "What's so funny?"

Jennifer takes off her robe and stands directly in front of me.

Bey smiles and says, "Its nothing, its nothing, nothing to worry about."

I look at Jennifer as if to say what'd I miss?

Jennifer moves in between me and the shower.

She brushes up against me reminding me where I belong.

JLo says, "We (cough) heard something about you. Something interesting."

Smiling as she says it.

I reach down again to finally finish cleaning HIM.

Jennifer reaches back to assist me.

I say to JLo, "So what, your not going to tell me?", smiling as I say it.

Bey says, "Its not for her to tell you."

Her remarkable body still dripping in soap.

I swear even without makeup these three are all knockouts.

JLo with her eyes closed washing her hair says, "Jen just tell him already."

Jennifer looking down at the floor says, "Now isn't the time."

It gets very quiet. Steamy. Everybody continues showering.

I start washing Jennifer's neck and her back while JLo continues to wash Bey.

Jennifer has a beautiful beautiful body.

Whatever they say she had done wasn't noticeable.

Her body is tight. If she did have something done um great.

Its funny once you you've experienced that kind of eye candy

you get much better at controlling yourself around beautiful women.

I can stand here in the shower with all three of these ladies at the same time and not let things

become more than what they should be.

Hey, its harder than it looks.

For example Bey loves to test me.

Tease me with her eyes.

Seeing her naked again and again has nothing to do with why I think she is sexy.

Its the mind games that she likes to play that makes her sexy to me.

JLo and I have history so I tend not to look at her naked because it brings up stuff that I don't want to discuss.

She sends me text messages from time to time.

Invitations to "hang out".

((What are you doing now?))

((Nobody is here! I'm alone.))

((You wanna come over?))

((You can stay the night.))

((Do you always do what she tells you to do?))

((Call me))

Jennifer turns around to face me.

Looks me down and up and says, "What's all this?"

I say, "Its nothing its nothing.

I was just thinking um Courteney said something to me about you when we went out the other night."

Then I said, "Something important. Something about you. I'll tell you later."

She looks at me as if to say you know damn well thats not what I'm talking about.

Bey steps over to us.

She says, "Are you guys still getting hot water?"

We slide over for her. Jennifer lets go of me and starts washing her back.

JLo steps over and says smiling, "Is there room for me too?"

So we all end up sharing the same shower.

We take turns standing under the water while the rest of us wash each other.

JLo says, "I had them come here last week to fix this.

Sometimes I think they break it just to say that they have to come here to fix something.", smiling as she said it.

And thats when it happened.

It was my turn to stand under the shower.

The three of them standing behind me washing each other.

JLo drops the soap and I went to pick it by accident.












#165 Posted : Friday, July 05, 2013 3:09:40 PM(UTC)
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Its pouring rain. 

Buckets and buckets of water.

You are the most beautiful thing that I have ever ever seen.

I'm with Jennifer and we are walking back from the hardware store.

We went their to pick up a plunger, a shovel, a hammer, and a hoe.

While we walk under her huge huge huge umbrella, she is telling me about all of her plans.

About her new life on the road.

Courteney walks up and gives us both a wet wet kiss hello.

She's running errands too.

She speaks loudly peeking out from under her hoodie,

"Where are you two off to now?"

Jennifer says, "We are going to Home Depot to pick up some more wood for my deck."

Then Jennifer says, "Would you like to come with us?", smiling as she says it.

Courteney slowly looks me up and down and says, "Yeah, I'll come (cough) sure why not."

So we go. All three of us walking in the pouring rain.

The girls start chatting it up about make up, lipstick, and some new new cover up that 

Jennifer really really really wants to try.

I say to both of them, "You two don't need any of that stuff you know.

Trust me I've seen the morning and its a great great great way to start the day." 

Smiling as I say it.

Jennifer pokes me and mouths the word, "Behave."

Courteney just looks down hiding that sexy devilishly innocent smile of hers.

We finally reach the end of the block.

There's a huge huge puddle to cross so I unzip.

We make our way across the street and I zip back up.

Courteney says to Jennifer.

"Did he tell you about the great great time that we had together the other night?"

Jennifer looks up at me curiously and says, "No. No he didn't."

Then she says, "No he didn't mention anything at all about any evening that you two spent together."

Then she says, "Why? Where did you guys go?", looking directly at me as she says it.

"We went out the weekend of my birthday.", Courteney says.

"The weekend that you weren't here. The weekend that you couldn't make it."

Jennifer still looking directly at me says,

"So tell me what great great great time did you guys have together?"

Flipping her hair at me as she says it.

Olivia walks up to us.

She kisses everybody hello.

She's stunning to look at even when she's dripping wet.

I took a long long long look.

Olivia says smiling under her umbrella, "Where are you guys going in this crazy crazy crazy weather?"

Jennifer says once again, "We are going to Home Depot to pick up some more wood for my deck."

Then Courteney says excitedly, "You should come O! You should come. You should come with us!"

Olivia smiles and says to me "And what do you think? Should I come or not?"

I look at her and simply say, "Ditto."









#166 Posted : Friday, July 05, 2013 3:32:53 PM(UTC)
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Its late. Pouring.

I'm looking out the window waiting for you to arrive.

Your not here so I have to make do.

Reach down and let my mind wander lust.

When she's not here its so very very quiet Maria.

I'm not saying she's loud.

I'm saying she fills the room.

She's everywhere.

She's just like you.

Its like looking in the mirror and I'm seeing either one of you depending 

on which one of you I am.

We'll be shopping and she'll see something she likes and she'll say

"Look at this, this is so Maria isn't it?", smiling as she says it.

And then I'll say, "I don't know, it looks a lot more like a Jennifer to me."

She just smiles back. 

Her smile is the fountain of youth, it really really is.

I look at you when she sleeps.

I see you there in my arms.

Your so far away but yet your right here next to me.

And thats when I realize that I'm in love with not just someone who isn't there

but someone who is there too.

Um its okay. I've got options. 

Jennifer keeps me here.

You keep me there.

She makes sure I keep my feet on the ground.

You make sure my feet never touch it.

I still can't believe that I didn't see you right away.

That you had to be pointed out to me.

That she had to point you out and say, "Look at her. She is so beautiful isn't she.."

Then I said, "Yeah she is.. Its like watching something as beautiful as you looking at yourself in the mirror."

Always Maria always.



#167 Posted : Wednesday, July 10, 2013 11:22:55 AM(UTC)
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My Dearest Beloved..

Oh how you ruin me.

Make me look away watching you with someone else.

All the while thinking, "This is how the game is played."

My bad.

Oops! I almost forgot!

Just a reminder Maria um I mean just in case.

Superstar actress Charlize Theron has been in "Monster", "Hancock", and "The Italian Job".

And now she's starring in "Two Eyes Staring".

Yup, thats all I'm going to say about that.

So anyway I know your busy. I won't keep you.


#168 Posted : Wednesday, July 10, 2013 11:39:05 AM(UTC)
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Its so frustrating looking at you knowing full well that I can't have you.

And if I were lucky enough to get you that I couldn't keep you because your a player.

You wear that "instinct" of yours everywhere you go.

"Just Do It" in big bold letters written all over you.

And then to complete the torture you add a HEAD bag.

As if this is perfectly exceptable behavior for a four time grand slam champion.

Its a trap guys like me fall into.

We come here without knowing what's here.

We see you and completely lose our identity.

Lose our souls. Ourselves in your eyes.

Don't worry I'm not in the market for a Maria.

No not anymore.

Grigor "The Terrible" defeated me long long ago.

But that doesn't stop me from thinking about you from time to time.

I just handle you the same way I handle seeing Alexandra, Danielle, or Cindy.

The moment I see anyone one of them I run run run.

Its the part of the Bette that hurts the most but that the way the game is played.

When you win you win.

But when you lose you lose her forever...

#169 Posted : Wednesday, July 10, 2013 11:50:04 AM(UTC)
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There is this television show that I watch every once in awhile.

You wouldn't know it. Its not for you.

In one of the episodes two of the main characters, two best friends, find out that they liked each other all along.

The thing is is that one of them is engaged to someone else.

So they have this big big party and everybody is toasting the new couple.

Its a difficult thing to do for the friend who is not getting engaged.

The one that has to sit back and look happy for her best friend.

Look happy that her friend is marrying someone else.

I feel a lot like that one.

The one that's being left behind.

And now I have to stand there, smile, and toast the happy couple.

You and Grigor.

Standing aside so that you guys can have a great life together.

Yeah I think thats me Maria.

I think that sadly that just might be me...

#170 Posted : Wednesday, July 10, 2013 12:41:03 PM(UTC)
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Just watched "Pretty in Pink".

I love this movie.

Molly Ringwald reminds me a lot of a Bette that I lost a long long time ago.

A beautiful Bette Maria.

She really was.

Whatever you do never ever fall in love with anyone at the Jim

because they make you weight, weight, and weight.

Um you should know that..

I have access to a private private park.

The only private park in New York State.

You need to live on one of the four sides of it to get into it.

Each side has a gate and you need a key to open one of the gates.

Its the park that I grew up in.

Its the place that I used to think things through, amongst other things.

No no, nothing about you.

The thought never crossed my mind.

So anyway, I've decided that I am going to ask Jennifer to make up with the other Jennifer.

Its time they made up.

Put their differences aside and welcomed each other back with open arms.

This constant ducking of each other is ridiculous.

America is only so big.

Instead of dividing it lets bring it all together.

Finally come together as one.

Jennifer and I have been talking about trusting each other more.

And so why not try this on someone she absolutely positively doesn't trust me with.

Also you should know that I won't hold you to whatever the rest of the world holds you to.

I can't make you happy if your not happy.

You will ask me for my opinion and you won't like what I have to say but I'm only saying it because I care.


This whole Bette business has gotten way way out of control.

Just when I thought it was safe to go back into the "ocean" you show up 

and scare me into not jumping back in again.

I'm going to see the movie "The Bling Ring" because I was in love with Paris Hilton

the moment that I set eyes on her.

She hates my guts but I simply can't ignore the movie since its about her.

I remember I was so impressed that I bought an extra copy of her book and gave it to a friend as a gift.

Yeah Paris gives great coffee table.

I was so in love with her that I read and watched everything there was to see of her.

She was the other woman for me in a relationship that was ending before it even started.

And then I was introduced to another woman that was not the woman that I was with.

So out of guilt I stayed.

I didn't leave. I didn't cheat.

I saw the other woman and I knew right away.

I felt it.

So I decided to lose the Bette intentionally.

And again lost something very near and dear to me.

Um the only thing now is the timing of this Bette.

I find the girl of my dreams. The swoop on my Nike.

The love of my life.

And now I have to play yet another round of this game.

This hideous scandalous game of the rich.

My first uncle enjoys toying with me because we are family.

Its a shame because I was perfectly happy just getting to know you.

Looking at you and not being nearly that rich.


This Bette is going to be much much tougher to win this time.

The steaks will be much much higher.

I have to go there with you not in my heart.

Go there and participate willingly.

When they asked me what the delay was I told them that I wasn't feeling well

and that I would get back to them.

That I would tell them when I was ready.

They are not happy with me.

They don't want to hear excuses.

They don't want to hear about love.

To them the Bette is a rite of passage.

All of them did it.

And they say I must do the same.

To them its sport and I'm just a pawn.

And since I have proven to be dependable they dubbed me a night.

Which gives me something even more near and dear for me to lose.


I'll be okay.

Its not the losing that hurts.

Its the finding out who I've lost.

That thing that I had with someone that I lost.

And once you've lost them for good all you have left of them.. is there ghost.









#171 Posted : Thursday, July 11, 2013 1:31:49 PM(UTC)
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You know that if we were ever to hook up that I would marry you every single night.

Something important, I'm still very very much in love with you.

Um there's no need to thank me. I mean there's nothing to it really.

You just make it so easy for me without doing anything at all.

There's nothing you need to say to make me feel better about it.

I'm not hurt. I don't need an explanation.

You don't have to justify your actions to me.

Its my problem. I'll just have to find another exit.

In fact I'll even take something with me that says you before I go.

So when I leave you I'll have a path for me to follow. A path back to me.

I didn't expect to lose myself like this. Lose my identity like this.

Tonight I was thinking about the time when I will be a trillion years old.

That time when I can't see anything at all.

Thinking about that moment just before it all goes dark.

I want to make sure that I remember your face.

Memorize it in my heart.

So if I can't see you i'll always see you no matter what.

Then I thought about the aliens.

The ones that look, speak, and think just like me.

The ones that finally come to pick me up.

I wave at them and say, "Weight, weight, weight!

Someone else wants to come! She's a four time grand slam champion.

She wants to come with us. She is my alter ego. My lover. My twin.

I can't just leave her behind."

They look at me. They don't understand.

They walk up to me. Push me on the ground.

Their eyes glowing. Their smiles laughing.

I look up at them. Fight with them.

Show them who you are and what you mean to the long long hard journey ahead.

I show them the letters. I show them Jennifer.

They look at me and they don't say a word.





#172 Posted : Thursday, July 11, 2013 2:03:43 PM(UTC)
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Headphones and Foreheads.

Britney is playing games again Maria.

For some strange reason she likes me a lot and likes to make everything between us very close and personal.


So I'm waiting online at the supermarket and she sneaks up behind me.

Whispers the word "headphones" as she walks past me.

"Headphones" simply means "Call me" in code.

I look at her and think to myself that she knows but she's not saying anything.

Its as if you and Jennifer don't matter to me at all.

I smile and nod at her. Watch her devastating body walk out the store.

She didn't buy anything which means she followed me in just to tell me that and show me who she is again.

Its funny, JLo did the same thing to me just two days ago.

I was in the car and she passed me in her supercar at high high rate of speed.

She wasn't running because luckily no one was following her.

I feel my personal personal personal undercover privately private phone vibrate in my pocket.

Its a text message from her.

It says, "Forehead" "Willow".

Which is code for, "I'M HUNGRY! Where have you guys been! Bey never calls me back anymore!

Do you think I like chasing you around like this while you seduce the other one!

I don't care what you see in her! I only care about MY NEEDS!

I'm not Jennifer number two! I am numero uno! 

Your first and last priority!

You can hide behind the other one all you want! 

Be yet another "Friend" of hers, but that won't stop me from getting what I want!

And make no mistake about it I ALWAYS get what I want!"

I think for a minute.

She knows all about you and me. Jennifer. Us.

She knows I'm not available anymore.

And then I thought maybe they think because your not here that there's nothing going on.

You know that maybe we are on yet another "timeout".

I don't respond.

She breezes through the light and I don't make it so she's gone.

How she texts and drives that fast in that car and isn't followed is amazing.

She's write though. I haven't been myself since the merger.

Anyway um it was just something that happened.

Something thats going around.




#173 Posted : Friday, July 12, 2013 1:25:35 PM(UTC)
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M its me.

Very nice very nice. More like this please.

If more with the great car is too much trouble don't bother.

I'm not looking at it.

Something else you should know.

I saw Paris today.

She is very very pretty isn't she.

I stared at her for a long long time.

I want to look now since I won't be allowed to look later on.

Soon I will have to let her go.

Let her turn into her beautiful sister.

I simply can't look at Nicky because Paris gets in the way.

So again, I took a good long look.

I'm not mad that she hates me.

I'm a fan. I've bought into whatever she was selling whenever she was selling it.

I bought the look, the book, the DVD, and the perfume knowing full well that she was mad at me.

Its a pity. I will miss these long long walks that my mind takes when I look at her.

These strolls that I take when I look at her eyes.

I think she's great. I don't get all of the bashing.

And I am not going to comment on what I think about Nicky.

You see Beloved, I am taking this whole thing very very very seriously.

For me to drop these two speaks volumes about how I feel about you.

You see, I can be forgiving. I'm not such an uncaring monster.


I want to dance with you.

Look into your eyes and see myself while you look into mine and see that your not alone anymore.




#174 Posted : Monday, July 15, 2013 3:36:34 PM(UTC)
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M. Yawn, I can't sleep.

I'm listening to "Fear" by Sade.

I think about us making love a lot.

Your on top of me. Holding my hands over my head.

Your looking directly at me as we do it.

Your nose pressed against my face.

Your wanting mouth kissing me again and again and again.

We line everything up so everything is touching everything else.

Its fun. It feels really good.

I'm not telling you where and your going there anyway.

I'm watching you do it. I see me seeing you.

Your very very much like me that way.


We wake up and you have a plane to catch.

We get dressed. Make phone calls. Eat.

Its a quiet morning and of course your in the paper again.

Its a bad bad picture especially for someone so beautiful.

I ride with you to the airport. We don't say anything.

It will be awhile until we see each other again.

I'm trying to ignore it. Trying not show it.

I want you to do well. Play well. Win.

I don't want you to think about such things.

Think about me.

We make our way to the plane.

Your eyes forward. Your mind set on the task at hand.

Your ready to go back to work.

They start loading your gear onto the plane.

You turn to look at me.

Its a vacant expression.

I do the same. I don't show any emotion.

You look at me again. You just look at me.

We kiss good bye and you board the plane.

I don't wait to watch you take off.

I leave quickly. I can't watch.

I get into the black car waiting for me and we head back to the compound.

We are halfway home and you send me a text message.

It simply says..

((Turn around))






#175 Posted : Thursday, July 18, 2013 4:06:27 PM(UTC)
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Hi. Just checking in.

I'm going to try now and answer some of your questions.

Oh and you looked radiant again last night.

Um I'm getting more comfortable with not having all of the answers to all of your questions.

You know that I want to be there when your going through something

but I still want you to be able to work it our for yourself.

I don't want to put any additional pressure on you about anything.

You also know that that whatever it is, whatever it is that is troubling you, we will solve together in private. 

I also think that not being there will also make you want me to be there even more.

Um sometimes when something bad happens not saying anything at all works too.

The question I have is when is it best not to say anything.

When to just listen.

Your so beautiful that sometimes I think I say way way too much.

I forget to just stop look and enjoy the view. Enjoy you.

I hope this answers some of your questions.

I don't think I want to ask you what I want to ask you.

All of my questions can wait.

You know I'll be around.

Bye Maria. Bye.





#176 Posted : Friday, July 19, 2013 12:50:29 AM(UTC)
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Hi. Your beautiful.

Listen um I had that dream again.

You know the one where you stop me in the pouring rain and say,

"I am finally going to give you exactly what you want. What you crave."

Yeah, its a fantasy of mine but its an important one.

Because its important for me to feel like I'm important to you.

Um so anyway this time around the fantasy changed.


So we are standing in the pouring rain at the local hot dog stand.

I am watching you finish yet another huge huge huge hot dog.

Your beautiful mouth loving every bite.

I say to you, "You know I can always come back later."

Then you say, "No, no I couldn't eat another bite.", saying it as you take yet another bite.

I say, "Um you said you had something to show me."

You look at me and say, "Yes, I've decided  that I want you to have it.

That its time for you to get exactly what's coming to you."

I'm completely shocked. Overwhelmed with emotion.

I look at you. Your hair straight and wet from the rain.

Your eyes coming more and more to life with every bite.

I say, "You know your right. I think it is high time that I got exactly what I deserve.

Heck I've been patient. Changed my life. Met all of your demands. Begged.

Yes. I think your absolutely right, lets do it."

You smile at me while you finish your third huge huge huge hot dog.

Its a beautiful smile it really really is.

Its a smile that lets me know that its okay to be who ever I choose to be, whenever I choose to be it.

A smile I'll never ever forget.

So you take my hand and we run to your big big black SUV.

You say to the driver something in Russian.

We start moving.

I say, "Um I didn't pack or anything. Is it nearby? Where are we going anyway?"

You keep giving the driver more instructions.

You turn to me and say, "I'm glad that we finally decided to put this to bed.

I've been thinking a lot about how to tell you what I want from you.

What's really been on my mind all along. Where I think our relationship needs to go."

You turn to look out the window as to make sure that we are heading in the right direction.

Again I am completely floored by this sudden change of heart.

This sudden reaching out buy you to me. Telling me what you want.

Expressing your desire to want to communicate more about our relationship.

I'm not sure what all this means so I do my best to remain calm.

I say, "Yeah, um yeah I'm glad too.

I'm glad that you finally came to your senses and saw it my way.

I think we are finally starting to understand each other."

Then as if I know it all and I don't I say, "You know Maria, love takes time.

I mean look at how long its taken my Jennifer to finally settle down.

To find not only someone else that she likes but someone else that likes her for who she is,

not who she thinks she is, and not for their own personal gain.

It took a millennium but we finally got her back on track, thank God.

Man you should have seen her when she was awake.

You know with nothing important to do the next day.

Beautiful. Incredible. Hungry. Talented.

I think it was the size of my racquet that grabbed her attention and its the main reason why

we've all finally come together as one over and over and over again.

You look at me and smile.

The driver starts talking to you.

My Russian is a little bit rusty but it sounds like he said, "Here?"

You tell him what you want and he nods okay.

You turn to me and say, "Okay we are almost there, get undressed."

I look at you. I'm not sure how to react to such a request.

I look out the window for help.

Its getting dark I have no idea where we are.

Its totally deserted. I don't see anything or anybody around.

Its just a dirt road in the middle of nowhere.

I say, "Darling. Beloved. My dearest, um where are we going?"

You say putting one finger on your mouth, "Shh its okay, hurry just hurry."

I say, "Maria you can't honestly expect me to get undressed."

You look at me. 

Then you say, "Do you love me?"

I look away. You know that I can't refuse all of your charms. Refuse you.

I turn back around and say, " Maria of course. Beloved you know that I do but.."

You cut me off and say, "Sacha did this for me. So did Grigor. You must do the same."

Then you say, "I won't be yours unless you do exactly what I ask."

Then you say, "I don't have time for this. Do what I ask. Get undressed."

You turn to face forward.

I sit there for a minute. I wonder if there was something that I said or did.

Something I did wrong. I can't think of anything.

I look out the window again.

I see a barn. Farm animals. Horses.

But still no cars and certainly no people.

So I start to get undressed.

I figure if Grigor did it I better do it too.

You watch me get undressed.

You smile and take out a condom from your purse.

I finish getting undressed. I am completely naked now.

You say to the driver in perfect English,

"Okay Vladimir stop. Vladimir comrade stop here."

We stop on the side of the dirt road.

The driver, Vladimir, gets out of the car.

I say to you, "Wait wait I don't want him to see me naked!"

You turn to me and say, "He won't."














#177 Posted : Friday, July 19, 2013 1:08:10 AM(UTC)
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Do you know how many times that we've been in love Maria?

Many many times before.

Once when we were geese.

Then when we were giraffes.

Then again when we were koala bears.

Don't you remember?

Holding me under your giant wing.

Protecting me as you led your flock across the pond.

Letting me have all of the berries to eat.

Galloping fast as to stretch our legs..


Or how about the time when we huddled together in a tree.

Slept all day and ate all the coconuts we could find.

Then quietly hugged each other afterwards for days and days and days.

The sun at our backs and the nights in our eyes.

Do you remember that Maria?

Well you must at least remember the time when we were invisible.

Flying around together from one place to another.

Chasing me though all the people that couldn't see us.

Pushing something over just to watch them study whatever.

Watching them bring in a psychic who thinks they can actually communicate with us

just so we can sit there and laugh and laugh overhead.

I was in love with you then Maria and I'm still in love with you now.

You should know that its raining here Beloved.

Raining harder than ever before...


#178 Posted : Tuesday, July 23, 2013 2:49:10 PM(UTC)
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iH. I ssim uoy

I was ym yadot

eH tsol tola fo thgiew

erA uoy eht neila  I evah neeb gnikool rof

erA ew morf eht emas yxalag

Oh oh sorry I keep forgetting that your not a machine.

That your human. That you can't win them all.

That at this level you have a chance of losing the match every time you step on the court.

I would come cheer you on but I lost everything in the crash. 

Luckily my people finally responded to my call for help.

Hopefully I can finally return home again. See all of the moons again.

Oh yeah and thanks Maria, that "send beauty" thing that you do really works good!

Jennifer came right over again and again and again.

oS yawyna I kniht tuoba uoy airaM

I kniht tuoba uoy lla eht emit

ll"I peek gnikool ta uoy I esimorp




#179 Posted : Wednesday, July 24, 2013 1:30:31 PM(UTC)
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Who is the unidentified woman waiting for you to be photographed at the ESPY'S?

Its not a big deal. Just curious.

So we are finally back from Shy Cock.

Its this hundred year old place that Jennifer likes to go to.

She likes to go there especially with me because I let her be who she wants to be.

Um its actually called something else. You know it has another name.

No Maria I don't know what the other name is-she didn't tell me and I didn't ask.

But one things for sure, I never drove.

We never made even a single left turn.

The place reminded me a lot of you.

Its a beautiful beautiful place.

She goes every summer and since we had such a good time the last time she invited me again.

The place says Jennifer but it screams Maria at the top of its lungs.

No wonder she loves it here so much.

As beautiful as she is here, I can't be you.

I'm not nearly as pretty as you are.

We went for a walk and decided to lay down under a tree.

I told her that I loved her.

That our child is your child too.

We "rested" for awhile and then started walking again.

She was finally able to relax and let her hair down.

Take a deep breath and see her road.

See the next part of her journey.

We stopped to look at the view from up there. 

The countryside, the village, the beach and the "ocean below". 

She was more beautiful here, in this place, than ever before Maria.

I told her I was still very very much in love with you.

That I had finally surrendered.

She took my hand and we walked down to the ocean.

It starting raining as we kissed.

Whenever it looks anything like you Maria, anything as beautiful as you, it rains.




#180 Posted : Wednesday, July 24, 2013 1:49:49 PM(UTC)
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Its morning and we are still in bed.

I say to you, "Did you hear something?"

"Hello.. Hello.. Is there anybody home?"

Its Jennifer yelling from way downstairs.

We both look at each other as if to say,

"Are you going to get it or should I?"

Then she says, "I'm with Courteney and and we brought breakfast."

I can hear her smiling as she says it.

I get up and say, "Stay here. I'll get it. I got the day wrong again.

I thought she was coming back tomorrow."

"Ow! My ass is killing me. I wonder why.", smiling as I say it.

You laugh as I lean down to kiss you. 

We kiss for awhile. 

You start pulling me back into the bed.

You arms draped around my neck pulling me closer to you.

I say, "Beautiful, baby, one of us has to go downstairs.

Maria, honey, they are waiting for us downstairs."

You pull me back into the bed.

Then you shout, "We'll be right there."

Jennifer shouts back, "O-kay."

We start kissing again.

Its much much too soon for all of this.

I mean we just met.

I watch you kissing me.

Your eyes are closed like mine usually are.

We keep going round and round.

Your mouth in mine mine in yours.

I want to tell you how much I like you but I can't because your a player.

You roll on top of me. We don't stop kissing. 

You stop to look at me as if your making sure.

I move down below you slowly.

You give yourself to me and I take what I want.







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