Morning Sugarpova.

Are you this pretty all the time?

You even look good sweaty.

I know your just like the rest of us and you have to work at it.

KNOT.

Yet another politically correct coached response.

Are you this way when your in love two?

Do you script your responses?

I do. 

If I think she will want something special from me

a feeling, a gesture, or a response.

I try to fulfill her request.

I lie.

Drama goes a long long way when it comes to romance.

Its not acting because it doesn't last long enough.

Lying can be extremely beneficial if done properly and not with

malicious intent.

I lie for love. Its true.

Um I have to go now.

I'll write again later if you want me two.

Jennifer will be here all night tonight.

Yet another late late session.

Its been awhile.

I am behind in my work. Her unforgiving work. 

She is going to be upset.

I have to explain to her what or whom my latest distraction is.

Me too.

Hi.

You have no idea what its been like since we met.

I was thinking.

I know its not good.

But listen, when we are done with all of the politics of Maria.

I thought we could take advantage of the free time you have and 

explore something much much more interesting.

Something that you have never ever EVER seen before.

Luckily this never seen before I happen to have in abundance.

A huge HUGE quantity at my disposal.

To celebrate the break up with you know who-

we should do what Jennifer and I did over and over again.

Um we got them all together.

She picked ten that looked good to her.

And we began researching each one, one at a time.

But.

The most important rules of the game are...

1. We can't react.

2. We can't smile.

3. We can't touch each other.

4. We can't laugh.

5. No closeness what so ever.

And most importantly rule number six-

absolutely, positively, NO TALKING.

It was a lot of fun. 

I won of course. She was easy.

After what seemed like days I was totally exhausted.

We slept for like three days straight.

People kept interrupting.

She got so upset.

I had no idea she was in such high demand at all hours of the night.

No wonder celebrities complain so much about privacy.

So anyway we would take breaks.

Eat something. Get going again. Sleep again.

Take a walk. Research some more. Take showers.

Then pick ten more but this time we added a special twist to the game.

We picked blindfolded.

It was tricky.

We spread them all over the floor and picked five a piece blindfolded.

She enjoyed this part a lot.

Yup.

So anyway, um I think you would find this interesting.

Its something worth doing and I don't mind sharing my vast vast experiences with you.

Its fun. Hypnotic. Over sized. Pungent.

All for one and all for one. Ice cream. 

This idea to bring you into the fold dawned on me in a butter milk bath late late last night.

Bey and Shakira agreed with my new choice so this is why I'm inviting you in.

Now there are nine of us. 

I will miss Jennifer she was a fun fun player to play against.

Bey is buy far the best player hands down.

Hi Beautiful.

Always beginning at the end..

Are you ready for yet another true story?

Okay here goes...

I remember being at boarding school.

I skipped eighth grade so I was younger than everyone else.

I was thirteen. All of the other freshman were sixteen.

It was what it was.

So anyway, one day I was in the place that I was always afraid to go to.

The boys shower.

While showering my friend Ferdinand showed up.

He was naked except for his towel.

His arms crossed in front of him as usual.

He said hi.

I did my usual "hey" turn around and don't drop anything hello.

So he started showering and I was just about to grab my stuff and leave

when he said, "Don't leave. I want to tell you something".

I looked at him soapy and naked and thought to myself he's not,

so this is probably about my relationship with some of the senior girls.

So he moved closer to me. He leaned in. Naked and wet.

His shower still running.

He motioned to me as to keep quiet by putting a finger over his mouth.

Then he slowly unfolded his arms from his body.

Um he had something about him that I had never seen before.

I panicked.

He said, "Don't you want to touch them?"

And I said "Um, what happened?"

He told me he's had this condition since birth and that he

has never shown them to anyone before. He was seventeen.

I tried not to panic.

He was looking for something from me.

Some sort of approval, I think.

I asked him, "How do you shower and nobody on the team sees you?"

He explained that he just acts like he's cold and nobody suspects anything.

When we would play five on five in practice-

he was never "skins", he was always "shirts".

He never took his shirt off.

I just looked at him. 

And then he asked me again.

"Do you want to touch them?"

I could see that he wanted to know if telling me this was the right decision.

It was suddenly my burden too.

I told him that we need to keep this quiet.

I tried to be a friend. I even thanked him for sharing this with me.

I mean my God what a secret.

I finally gave in and touched them. He insisted.

I admit it, I wanted to make sure this wasn't a prank.

That this was real. 

That he had this condition.

He told me he would rap and ace bandage around them

under his shirts as to conceal them.

Um I was pretty nice considering the fact that I was thirteen,

trying to fit in, hated being in the boys locker room, and scared that we could be discovered.

Me and him with his condition.

I told him that he should never show this to the "guys".

He wasn't happy with this plan.

He wanted it to come out.

And he decided that i should be the one to bring this to the attention

to anyone who would listen.

He didn't want fame. He wanted famous.

He wanted to be more than just popular.

And I guess why not tell the kid that everyone picked on

or the kid that everybody loved for being just too cute.

I was both.

The seniors loved me and the freshman hated me for it.

We agreed to keep this quiet.

He went his way and I went into therapy.

We hardly spoke the rest of the year.

I would see him in the hall or at class and he would say

"hi" as if nothing happened.

He did exactly what we agreed on.

It never came out.

I didn't have to protect him.

Sometimes I wonder if I hurt his feelings by not being more

interested in his secret.

Sometimes I wonder if he liked me liked me.

I love women.

Always willing to go to great lengths to get a woman to like me.

Spare no expense. Change my voice. My lifestyle. Hide. Leave.

Ferdinand was a nice kid. A good team mate. A friend.

Those kids would have eaten him alive.

Teased him to know end. Trust me I know.

Sometimes at night, not alone in my bed, I wonder if he

ever told anyone else and what the reaction was.

Hopefully he found that friend. That trust.

I'll right again. 

Hi. 

I changed my mind.

I'm not going to ask anyone anything.

Jennifer's idea.

I'm gonna walk Bey out.

I'll be back after Jennifer finishes up.

After speaking with Bey I was left with quite an impression of Jay Z.

She's madly in love with him.

I had always respected Jay Z anyway but after hearing Bey gush-

heck I'd sleep with him two.

Write.

So anyway um I like seeing you anywhere and everywhere.

Its so nice to see someone so happy all of the time.

Write now i am not in that category.

Write now I want Jennifer to relax and just let me do my job. Her work.

Not always be on top of me.

Breathing down my neck.

She is so close to me all the time.

She gives me absolutely no space.

No I can't believe it either.

You know what drives me crazy.

Long good byes.

Here is a typical good bye with Jennifer.

I'd say something like-

"Okay great so I'll have that for you next week."

Then she changes what she wants.

Clutching my arm while she expresses how important

it all is for her and how happy she is with this arrangement.

Then i say, "Okay great so I'll see you next week."

Eventually she says okay.

I help her with her coat.

She makes a call to outside and we wait and chat at the door.

She stands in the way of the doorknob so I can't open it.

So I have no choice but to listen to anything that she might want to say.

Its HARD.

Um she stands very very close to me.

Write in front of me.

I can smell see everything.

She's a beautiful woman.

Its all good up until she gets to the part where she says,

"I go out there on the weekends um you should come,

you know, stay with me. I have plenty of room for you.

Its not a problem, we could go together. I'd pick you up."

Thats when you come in.

I calmly, respectfully, patiently, gracefully..

tell her that I have to check in with you first.

She usually just looks at me.

Its funny because I was so in love with her until she got married.

I would have done I don't know what to be with her much less invited 

to her compound.

This time she got really really upset.

She starting telling me loudly quietly that I am a big boy

and that I don't need to get permission!

There was something about, "How do you date someone who isn't here!"

Then she went into the "I know you" department.

"I know what's best for you."

"I know where IT is."

"I know your just hiding behind HER as to not be with ME!"

You know while she was letting me have IT over and over again,

I realized just how remarkably beautiful she really is.

Eureka beautiful.

Its amazing that something like this would end up being 

so crucial. So vital to her, whatever.

We sat back down again.

I told her that you were terrific.

I told her you were willing to go along with it, help out,

join us when you didn't have a match or a tournament.

She just looked at me.

Hi.

I'm watching Jennifer.

Its a movie where she plays a cop.

She's great in these types of movies.

She has street smarts written all over her.

She makes being a policewoman sexy.

There is a scene in the movie about people smelling people.

That people give off a brain scent and somehow your brain 

smells their brain and that somehow you are linked to that person.

Its kind of romantic in a way.

And to think I thought it was just you being sweaty all the time.

Dirty all the time.

With me all the time.

Um I won't keep you.

I know your getting ready to face Elena.

A friend. A colleague.

It should be a good match.

Your going to have to play your best tennis to beat her.

Then maybe afterwards you and I can have a match

of our own if your not too tired.

I know I know. You don't play guys.

And I wouldn't want to see you lose to me in anything anyway.

I know you like being in control because this way no one controls you.

And losing to me would mean you would be losing control.

So we shouldn't play each other.

Its okay.

The same thing happened with Bey.

She came over and we played poker.

She is a good player and all but she lost hand after hand after hand.

And she wanted to win.

Um like you she's kind of a sore loser.

She got really quiet afterwards.

I was like, "It wasn't you, you played good,

it was just the luck of the draw and I got lucky."

She just looked at me.

Then I let her whip me at checkers.

I was red. She was black.

I had her on the run but missed a move on purpose.

Thats when the game turned and she starting giving me the business.

I didn't mind. I let her win.

She has a great great smile. 

Its amazing what happens when you let people win.

Let them come out on top.

You win so much more when you lose to certain people.

I remember one time wrestling with Jennifer.

We would play fight a lot.

Match after grueling match.

She would put me in her famous leg lock.

She was strong that way. Fearless.

So while struggling to break free I would tell her

wait don't forget I hurt whatever so not so hard.

Then I'd let her win and we would just sit there,

drink water, and discuss her latest victory.

She would say something like "I told you I was the champ."

And I would say, "What do you expect? I'm injured. Defenseless."

Then I'd say, "One more time-double or nothing-winner stays on top all night long."

Then we would go at it again.

She would gain the upper hand quickly.

Her eyes fixed on my every move.

Circling. Stalking. Moving in for the kill.

Then she would suddenly attack.

I would fall with her on top of me.

Her talking to me all about it as we fell down to the carpet.

She would get on top.

Her hair in my face, in my mouth.

I could feel how much she liked me.

Sometimes by accident we would meet in the middle.

Her crotch would meet mine.

I couldn't tell if were wrestling or just moving around on the carpet.

It was raw. Intense. Wild and untamed.

Our jeans would rub together back and forth and back and forth.

She was using all of her strength to pin me

and when she couldn't she was trying to make me laugh.

I was aroused again. She must have felt it.

But she didn't say anything.

I bet if your were listening outside you would have heard us laughing,

grunting, and cursing at each other.

Our legs always seemed to be tangled together.

She was always on top of me.

Her chest in my face. Her mouth on my neck.

Talking to me in my ear about stuff unrelated to what was happening at that moment.

Taking out all kinds of frustrations out on me.

Dishing out punishment while I tried to break free.

Yeah she was a good wrestler.

She enjoyed dominated me.

Sometimes I wondered if she would invite me over just to do this over and over again.

I didn't mind. She was great. A gracious host.

Anything I wanted.

I miss those nights. We don't do this anymore.

Not since she got married anyway.

So um maybe if your up to it we could have a match.

No. Not me silly.

As I said before I don't want you to lose to me in anything.

But if not me then who.

Um let me make a few calls.

I'll get back to you.

But until then practice your wrestling moves.

Your gonna need them.

Buy girl. Bye.

Morning.

I just heard that Jennifer is going to change her name.

A name thats she has built all the way from scratch.

A name she has used since her lean green days in Sherman Oaks.

Its laughable.

I say beautiful beautiful Jennifer-get a grip.

Her father, a great actor in his own write must be in awe

with some of Jennifer's choices.

It doesn't make a difference what name she changes it to.

She could change it to Lopez and nobody would say a thing.

Its just that her last name won't be Aniston anymore.

A name that will be heard for generations to come.

I read this news and immediately ordered a double.

This isn't about him.

Jennifer is having some sort of chemical imbalance.

She's morphed into a crazy person.

She's running around town looking for God-knows-what

trying to justify her love for him, when all the while she's 

just not sure what she really wants to do.

I don't know.

Her career is still lives on top.

They want to make a "Friends" redux.

If it continues to go like this I think they should rename the show-

"Do we really REALLY have to continue to be friends?"

I love her but she is in crisis panic addiction mode right now.

She wants stability and celebrity but can't figure out how to go about it.

Changing her name?!?

Poor girl is going completely insane.

Since she lost her beloved Norman its been just the craziest of stuff.

The prettiest woman in the world, known to millions the world over,

and yet she still can't cope with this loss.

Well I for one am pulling for her.

She's someone I didn't watch but didn't have to.

I have to admit when I first saw "Friends" I didn't notice her.

I only saw Courteney who looks just like Demi.

It was a reflex choice.

Honestly I didn't recognize Jennifer until she started making movies.

Yes I was hiding under a huge huge um rock.

Your right I was the only Alien on the planet who didn't know who Rachel was.

So I'm not one to start pointing fingers but still... Must we change the name??

Do we have to go THAT far with the whole new life idea.

And to think I thought only men could have a mid life crisis.

Jennifer is like twenty. Why panic now?

Hopefully this shotgun wedding will finally go off without a hitch.

I'd walk her down the aisle myself but obviously the Best Man for

the job is her Daddy, the F.O.B. (Father of the Bride).

Traditional conservative beach-heck why not just do it at I-Hop.

All the pancakes and sausage you can eat and just have the wedding as a bonus.

Changing her name!?!

Insane.

Wow!

Sorry I just had to get this out.

She's way too pretty for all of this. This mess.

She needs a timeout.

A fresh perspective. Therapy.

Spa-ness. Several moments of clarity to clear things up.

He's a good man. Has a good first name.

Its a good fit for her. Justin works.

Hopefully she can get it all back together again.

All of it just wouldn't be the same without Jennifer.

(paws)

Um enough about Jennifer.

Good luck in the next round.

Sorry these posts are out of order.

i've been busy filling orders for Bey, Britney, Caroline, Venus, yourself,

and of course Jennifer.

Its so hard to fill Jennifer's orders because the first question that always comes up is-

"Which one?"

Buy Girl. Bye.

Hi. You fly.

Inbox? Log out?

What kind of site is this?

So anyway...

At the train station again.

Jennifer cancelled our Sunday night meeting and changed it to Monday morning.

Thats all fine for a world class athlete but not fine for me on short notice.

She likes the off peek hours.

Those last minute do or die red eye flights that don't get logged into the log book.

These sudden three o'clock in the morning secret rendezvous.

Um I have to admit this cloak and dagger stuff is interesting and sneeking

around with Jennifer does have its advantages.

She smells great. She gets everything. Everybody loves her.

Not to say she doesn't pay up the wazoo but being so recognizable

does have its advantages.

We don't meat any problems.

Like being with you people are friendly. Happy to see her.

Even the biggest city in the world on a cold cold day gets a little bit smaller

and a whole lot warmer at the sight of Jennifer.

I think one day you two should meet anyway.

That way I don't have to explain anything.

Obviously you don't need me tagging along to discuss what's what.

Yesterday I thought I saw Nicole Ritchie again at Gray's Papaya.

Hot but she looks like she could use at the three hot dogs.

Its so hard to recognize these people now with so many decoys running around.

Its funny who you think you might have seen hanging around-

some of the most unscrupulous places.

Hanging around places where they aren't supposed to be.

Its a great way to mask your scent. Your whereabouts.

Camouflage all of your comings and goings.

Its a great way to have a lover that doesn't cheat.

A friendship with an enemy or a good girl that

just wants to be a bad bad girl.

I'll be watching...

Jennifer. Maria.

What difference does it make.

(paws)

I was thinking about it again.

Do you remember what it was like?

To be with someone.

Someone you liked.

Knowing that they wanted it from you and you wanted it back from them.

That dinner date that actually went well and that person

didn't answer the phone, didn't wander off, and didn't look at someone else at the other table.

They wanted to see who you are instead of what you are.

I was thinking about it last night.

Yeah it was late late after Bey left to go back to her real real life.

I get tired of having to fake it with her all the time.

She pays so I live with it. Her secret is safe with me.

So anyway back to our date.

I was thinking about the smell of your her.

The curves of your body.

Your warm mouth underneath the lipstick.

Standing anywhere alone, closer to each other than at the beginning,

closer to each other than you ever thought you would be.

Finally out of the rain and to a ride to somewhere else.

The anticipation of what might occur between you.

Your imagination running as you pass street light after street light.

You know the way, you count every turn, every tree, and every rooftop.

You look at me.

You check again to make sure if what you see is what you want.

You want to be sure but honestly, tastefully, you just want.

You want it. Your dying to have it.

You can feel it rushing up from your toes, to your legs,

passed your knees, and finally to your thighs.

Warm and intoxicating.

Inviting the night in just to see it all again.

Just to touch it again...

You arrive home.

I get the door and take your hand.

And you go back to that empty place.

Smiling handshakes and thanks fill the air.

Everybody laughs and leaves on good terms.

Another fun night of celebrating comes to a close.

I say, "I'm gonna grab a cab."

And thats when you look at me again.

Do you like what you see. Do you invite me in.

Or do you just want it.

Want it with someone you like.

With someone who takes control so you don't have to ask or judge or even think.

Someone who says I want to come in but doesn't unless you ask them to.

You look at me. The street in the background. The traffic rushing by.

You think to yourself-

"Is this okay.. Is this important now.. Will I respect myself in the morning..

Will my team, my coaches, my piers, and my colleagues respect me.

Can't I have just one bite. Cheat just once. Throw caution to the wind.

Let go of everything and have it all. Have as much as I want again and again and again.

Leave nothing to chance. No talk. No wine. No lights. no fights."

Just the two of us.

(paws)

I see the moonlight coming in from the window.

Can we go there and can we invite love too?

Maybe next time. Bye.

Jennifer.

Gwyneth and Katy just left. Katy has quite the appetite.

I spoke to Maria and she changed her mind.

She told me that she wants me to wait for her.

I told her that i already spoke to you

and that you are still thinking about what you were going to tell HIM.

I also said that I needed more from you.

For example, what do you want from me? 

That its not the waiting for you but the the waiting for WHAT from you.

She said she wanted to talk about it again and that i should let her know

what i think about you and her and everything.

I told her that I would speak to you about it since I just told you that Maria dumped me.

She said she "You told her that?"

I said yes and that you were surprised to hear it.

I told her we were going to get back together.

I told her everything.

Maria just looked at me.

Morning Beautiful. (Maria)

Just in case there was any confusion.

Good luck out there today. Yet another big match.

Have fun. Give them Maria.

Give them what they want to see over and over again.

You wonderful you.

I'll be here in the back, cheering you on and ripping my hair out LOL.

Um here is an actual fact about me, don't laugh.

I haven't bedded a woman since 2002.

Um yeah I've wanted to but I just didn't want to waste it.

I want the next time to mean something um BIG.

This isn't to suggest that anything should happen between us uh 

I was just throwing it out there LOL.

Yeah so luckily everything still works. I checked.

Imagine if it only worked if you continued to use it and if you stopped using it

it wouldn't work anymore.

I was just minding my own business and bumped into you on the way to the Bey.

Yeah its the first left on the write just passed the ocean.

The ocean. How I love the ocean um yeah.

(paws)

I saw a picture of you. Sunrise.

You were sitting on a wall at the beach.

The morning in your hair.

Yeah its nothing. Everything. Always.

So anyway um I know you don't want to continue whatever this was...

Um I won't think about you anymore.

Yeah right LOL.

Okay Okay.

How about I won't dream about you anymore.

Thats fair, right?

I'll focus all my attention on Jennifer instead.

She doesn't care anyway.

She's wrapped up in how things have to look.

She wants everything to go off without a hitch.

You know, make the big breakfast but just don't finish it all.

(paws)

Its such a great great picture of you.

I was thinking about you that morning.

Is it always spent alone on the beach?

If it is, that beach sure is lucky.

Um so thanks for making the sunrise at sunrise.

I really really REALLY appreciate it.

If there is anything I can do to pay you back-just let me know.

Okay so um I gotta go.

Embrace this moment.

Its not everything nothing or something but for you my love, anything anything anything...

Bye Girl Bye.