Hi. Its night time here. 

A very pretty night tonight.

Is not you naked beside me, but the prettiest Jennifer in the world will just have to do instead.

Um she's asleep right now.

No no its not for beauty.

Its for humor. You know its an acting exercise.

Its funny every once in awhile she'll say something in her sleep.

When she does that for fun I answer back.

One time sleeping with her head on me she said, "Maria this way.."

I responded by saying quietly in my best high pitched Maria voice, "Sorry I'm right handed."

Then she smiled.

The next morning we had breakfast and she was writing up her talking points for an important interview she has coming up.

She wanted to say something interesting. You know create a buzz.

She wasn't getting anywhere with what she had.

Her ideas seemed forced.

Nothing sounded natural. Nothing sounded important.

She asked me what I thought.

I said, "Talk about what you said to me in your sleep last night. Talk about Maria."

She looked at me.

Then she said, "What are you talking about?"

I said, "You were talking in your sleep. Talking about Maria."

She didn't say anything. She just sat there looking at her notes.

Then I said, "Isn't it time to get passed this and move on.

You know forget about us for a minute.

Take a look at what's going on inside of you.

I mean when we are together are you seeing me?

Or are you seeing Maria?

I'm not saying this to pin you down or anything.

i'm saying it because she's on your mind and lets just deal with it as a family and not as total strangers.

(sigh)

Jennifer I won't abandon you. You won't lose me like you lost your beloved Norman.

I'd never leave your side unless you told me to.

If its Maria that makes you happy I'll leave. 

If its both of us that make you happy then its both."

She just looked at me for a long time.

She's beautiful when she needs a hug.

So I leaned over and she started hugging me.

Um we hugged for a long long time.

Then she started kissing me.

First on the neck. Then on my face. My forehead.

Then she cupped my face with her hands.

She started looking deeper into my eyes.

Using her hands to brush away anything she thought shouldn't be there.

We adjusted and she ended up straddling me on my lap.

She's still hugging me again. Upset. Letting it all go.

After a few minutes she started to finally calm down.

She goes back to her seat.

I didn't say anything and neither did she.

I think that we both discovered that we were both very much in love with

not only each other but with another person who happens to be the same person.

Hi. I'm watching the "Wedding Planner" featuring Jennifer Lopez.

Um look don't invite me to your wedding.

I don't want to see you with someone else because I don't want to have to fake

being happy about your happiness being with someone else.

I have enough heartbreak in my life as is.

Enough girl ghosts residing in my apartment.

I have had enough "lets just be friends" hot girl-friends.

You would think I would feel lucky.

Lucky to have spent the time.

Lucky that I got to know them.

But no um its not what I want.

You know I used to have this dream where she would be at the top of the stairs in her gown.

And she would walk down just to be with me.

She would come to me.

Anyway its a stupid dream.

They don't have a bouquet for men to catch.

Men just stand there.

Give her away to each other just to keep a closer eye on her.

I don't know.

One day i'll get the one that I want.

And I won't care if its the right thing to do or not.

I'll throw caution to the wind and just do it.

She'll be in love with me and I'll be in love with her, no matter what.

Yeah um real love.

Jennifer says you have to embrace the urge to merge. 

You know become each other. Twins.

She says you have to leave it all behind you.

Cleanse your soul. Walk away.

I met one that I liked a long time ago and I've been running away from her ever since.

I'm thinking about you. We both are.

Its raining here again. Hard.

Hi. 

We parked and she just wouldn't stop.

She's that way, she really is.

She's a good good friend.

(paws)

You want to know what I like about you the most Maria?

I like the fact that when your sweating you can see your mustache.

Also I was thinking if the three of us can pull this off and actually do it.

Lets call someone in the heat of the battle, you know right in the middle of all the action.

I was thinking about possible candidates, you know a fourth, a fourth to call.

This is who I came up with.

Megan Fox. 

What? She wouldn't want to hear the play-by-play?!?

Are you kidding Maria, she's got peek-a-boo written all over her.

Girl can't get enough.

I smelled her brain just the other day. Best scent ever.

You two would be busy um so I'd have to be the one to call her.

I like Megan. She's real.

The world needs to see her in not just more movies but more good movies.

Or how about Tiger Woods.

He's major. A player. Writes it all down before he recites it.

He saves me the trip. If I tell him I'm telling everybody.

Donald Trump.

It goes without saying really. He's a legend. Humps with the best of 'em.

And to think I thought Rafa was the bad ass!

Anyway you've got a big day coming up so I won't keep you.

You are loved Maria. You are loved.

Happy Mother's Day.

Hi. Its pouring here.

Once again I've got hunting parties just two clicks away from this location.

Its been going on for a long long time now. Years.

They keep changing their minds.

Making it up as they go along.

Finding any truth they can find in any of their lies.

I put the scarecrow out as to warn everybody to stay far far away.

I'm just hoping they all get the signal.

Sometimes I wonder if I should stop running.

Find out what it is that they want from me.

Make contact with one of their people and find out what's really going on.

Let them lie to me to find out the truth.

Its times like these when I usually seek out somebody for advice.

Somebody not directly involved.

Not this time. No its up to us. You and me.

You know what it is. Its the running Maria.

The constant looking in my rear view mirror.

The people looking into my garbage searching for God knows what.

I'm not sure what they want but whatever it is they want it very very badly.

They are relentless in their pursuit of me. 

I take precautions.

Leave the lights on.

Don't take the same roads home.

Set traps to everything not nailed down.

Watch silent television.

Mute the voices. Wear headphones.

Its funny I thought after I got out of the ICU that I was free and clear.

That I had survived yet another attack.

That they would just go away.

They haven't.

Their still hunting me down.

Following me.

Wearing me down.

As soon as I find out what these people want from me I'll let you know Maria.

Well their back again so I gotta run...

Hi. Another dream.

We just finished.

You gave it all to me this time.

Every grand slam you ever won in one afternoon.

Your hungry so we get dressed and head out to an Italian restaurant you want to try.

We get an outdoor table near the sidewalk and you wearing the dress.

You know the one that I can hide under just in case.

We talk. We laugh. You smile.

You finish your meatballs.

We look at each other.

You say to me, "Not here"

I look at you again.

You say to me, "No"

I drop my napkin and get under the table.

You say, "We can't do this now. I have a match coming up. Not here."

I get under the dress.

You get quiet. You give in.

Pull the table cloth closer to you.

I can hear the busy street bustling around the table.

No one is stopping. No one can see me.

We are finally alone in public.

Then I hear you say, "He will be back. Yes he is isn't he." Smiling as you say it.

Then you say, "He went back to the hotel. He forgot something."

Then I hear the waiter say, "May I take your plate?"

You say, "Yes thank you."

I peek out.

You look down at me.

Waving at me with your eyes.

You know that I'm hungry.

That I don't want food.

You spread your legs more.

Get more comfortable. Sign an autograph.

I start touching your legs.

Kissing your thighs. I peek out.

You look down at me again.

You give someone their pen back.

You start talking to me.

I can't make it out. I don't understand.

So I go back. I keep kissing your thighs.

You pull the table cloth even closer to you.

Order another a water.

I find what I'm looking for.

What I covet.

What you want me to find.

I try to pull them down.

Suddenly you grab my hands.

Put your hand firmly on my head.

Your talking to someone.

Its your crew. Your trainers.

They are laughing. Asking about me.

I wait there under your dress, under the table, as you attempt to win the Oscar for best supporting actress.

Its dangerous Maria. Its naughty.

Its you.

Hi. I have something to say..

Its important. Get off the phone. Sit down.

Do me a favor lets just keep this between us, okay?

Um I had dinner with an old friend.

A very powerful rich rich rich old friend.

We made a Bette.

Its about a woman. Another woman.

If I can take her to bed or not.

I thought about it for just a moment.

And then I said, "I need to ask permission first."

He said, "You need permission? Since when?", laughing as he said it.

I said, "Since I found what I've been looking for.", smiling as I said it.

Then he said, "Hmm.. well, this sounds serious."

Then he said, "Double or nothing."

I thought about it.

And then I said firmly, "Uncle..um I need to get permission."

(paws)

We agreed that I would get back to him.

Um its pretty straightforward. A gentleman's Bette.

I take her to bed and I win the Bette.

I guess you could say I win twice.

But if I accept, and I lose, and I don't take her to bed.

I lose something very very important to me.

Something I can't replace.

Something I can never see or talk to ever again.

(paws)

So I'm asking you. Right now.

I'm asking you for permission.

But please please don't answer me right away.

Think about it.

Think about me.

Think about what we've shared.

This isn't something that I want to do.

This isn't something I choose to do.

This is just how some men have to prove themselves to other men.

Prove themselves to men that don't take no for an answer.

You should know that I am not entirely convinced that I can pull this off.

She's a celebrity. Famous. Way way out of my league.

She will have to have pity on me for me to have a chance at getting her into bed.

Okay so, that's it. 

Thats what's on the table.

Um I'll check around.

Wait for your answer.

Wait for you to tell me what I should do..

Hi. Its raining here.

Big fat drops.

Its raining here so hard its raining sideways.

If you were here I'd wipe it off your brow.

Protect you from the pouring rain.

I used to think that rain meant that God was upset.

Crying over what we had done.

That we lost our way and he made it rain to help us grow.

To help us clean up our mess.

Well I'm not that special.

Not that unique.

Not that dirty.

To me rain is just rain and your just too beautiful to get wet.

Sometimes I think the rain drops are just tears.

Tears that tell us God cries too.

She told me that once a long long time ago.

It was when I lost something that I loved.

When they walk out and they don't say good bye.

And your left with just their memory. Their eyes. Their beauty.

And thats when you discover that your empty, that there's nothing left.

Nothing but rain.

Maybe one night I'll be standing on the corner waiting for you in the rain.

You'll be in your Nike HEAD gear, all zipped up.

You'll get out and spot my umbrella.

Wave and come running.

You won't say anything, you'll just look at me.

The tears in your hair. The rain in your eyes.

We'll just stand there and hold hands.

Stand there and watch God cry.

Stand there and watch God cry together. 

Hi. While you've been out gladiating I've been getting my students to interact more with each other.

Jennifer gave me the idea to start having more group sessions.

She said the more the merrier and it does make sense for me to try it and see what happens.

One of the more interesting types of therapy that I want to get them more involved with is

my therapy wrestling package.

So I Invited two of my students over for my first ever group class.

A girl we'll call Michelle and her room mate Iris.

The whole idea behind this type of therapy um the wrestling, is to heal.

To cleanse the body of all unwanted emotions.

Its not just about the physical aspects, the wrestling, no no its about having open discussions.

Airing out the wrongs to make everything right between two or more people.

In this case its Michelle and Iris.

They both lead busy busy lives. Argue all the time.

Go days without speaking to each other.

The same kind of stuff Jennifer and I were going through.

And then stopped going through them because of the um wrestling.

So I decided why not try it on these two.

And while they wrestle I can monitor the situation.

Ask them questions. Get them to acknowledge some truths about themselves.

Get faster answers to the questions that need to be answered right away.

I found that while I was wrestling with Jennifer that the answers we were looking for would come quickly.

She would say the things she didn't want to say to me.

So not only did it work as great therapy but it also helped her with her various acting roles.

She was able to see herself from outside of herself.

See what she was doing wrong.

So anyway um back to Michelle and Iris.

I started them off the same way I started me and Jennifer off.

I told them that while they wrestle that Michelle would tell Iris what was bothering her.

And that Iris couldn't say anything back. All Iris could do was listen and wrestle.

After ten minutes of Michelle voicing whatever was on her mind, we switched.

It then became Iris's turn to voice what was bothering her and all Michelle could do about it was listen and wrestle.

It opened up all kinds of dialogue.

Both women were speaking freely at the end while trying to pin each other.

They were amazed that this actually worked and how easy it was for them to finally say what was on their minds.

Um Jennifer said the same thing that our sessions helped her release all kinds of tension.

We don't practice this type of therapy anymore though.

We grew way too close. It stopped being therapy. 

It became way too personal between us.

We would start you know wrestling and she would gradually eventually go where she has to go.

Which in her case is my relationship with you.

Thats when I had to tell her we can't because I wasn't willing to wrestle her and talk about you.

I thought that it was unprofessional. I wanted to help her and that meant keeping the wrestling

on some sort of a professional level.

From what I can tell I'm the only one that practices this kind of therapy.

So I couldn't send her to someone else.

We decided to go back to the more traditional methods and she's made great great strides that way.

She's gotten a lot better at controlling her emotions, especially in public.

She's really become an excellent excellent student.

She's been using what I taught her. Challenging herself mentally.

Using the weapons that I gave her to fight her inner anger.

She's so confident now that she even wants to show off some of the discipline that she's mastered

at the party that she wants to throw here.

You know the party that I'm the only guy invited to.

I was all for it. I told her great yet another reason for me to be there.

And that maybe if I'm lucky I could find another couple of students.

Yeah I think in time Jennifer will be able to conquer all those things that bother her

and put them all behind her.

The wrestling was extremely effective until she started to make it too personal 

and started asking me about you.

Its funny we would start with listing all of the "off limit" subjects first.

And your name was at the top of both of our lists.

I would say jokingly, "No Maria stuff, right?"

And she would just smile and agree with me.

Then we would start and in the heat of the battle

she would gradually, eventually, saying something like, 

"You mean as long as Maria says its okay, right!"

Her emotions getting the best of her as she said it.

And thats when we would have to stop.

Get water, towel off, and agree once again to not discuss anything with the name Maria on it.

This exercise, this therapy Maria, is all about control.

Keeping a cool head despite any obstacle that you may have right in front of you.

And when the discussion would turn to anything about you Jennifer would simply lose control...

Hi. I had a nice chat with Jennifer.

We decided to role play the brunch and pretend that we don't know each other.

It was a good idea. It went well.

We talked about you a lot.

More than I was comfortable with but I think I learned something about myself 

talking to her about you.

Something I won't discuss here and something I would never ever tell either one of you.

We acted as if we weren't that close.

So we chose a different way of talking about everything.

She said a lot of things.

The subject of you came up quickly.

Eventually every conversation that we have ends with you.

We could chat about an article in the New York Times about stem cell research.

And eventually she'll say something like, "So what do you think Maria would think?"

And I just say that you are on board with it all no matter what it is.

I told her that I told you about the bed that spoke to her

and that you thought buying the enormous bed was a good idea 

and that we should skip dinner and just get to the other part of the menu.

I told her you were excited and wanted to come.

That If you had known you would have contributed something to the cost of the massive bed.

She seemed pleased, she gets even more pretty when I mention anything that has to do 

with you discussing anything to do with her.

I think you two are going to end up being great great friends.

I feel lucky just to witness it all.

Um during the extremely polite brunch she expressed a desire to help me with an idea

that I have to have a celebrity bike tour to raise money to fight breast cancer.

We would start out in Great Neck Long Island and ride to Montauk which is the end of Long island.

We would recruit some of our friends to help us raise money and awareness.

Making stops along the way to sign autographs and get people to donate to our cause.

She was interested and enthusiastic about the idea.

She agreed to help. Um she's on board.

Then the discussion went back to you of course.

She said, "Paris is so beautiful this time of year isn't it?"

And I said, "Yes and its getting even prettier as we speak."

She kind of nodded. Checking me.

Then I said, "Yeah but why go all the way there when you can have beautiful right here."

She smiled.

Then we started talking about you again.

We started talking tennis.

I told her I found a "Hammer" racquet that I liked a lot.

But I wanted to research the project further.

She reminded me again that she played a lot in college and that she has been chomping

at the bit to hit the courts again.

Then she issued me a challenge. A match.

Me versus her.

So I said knowing who she is, "What are we playing for?"

Then she said, "What do you want to play for?"

Then I said, "I asked you first."

Then she said, "Oh come on, don't be such a baby!

What do you want to play for?"

Then I said, "Jennifer maybe we shouldn't play.

I'm not going to play you for Courteney or Maria."

Then she said, "I didn't say anything about playing for anybody.

Lets just keep this between us. Lets you and me play for something."

Its moments like this that I wonder what's up her sleeve.

What's really going on. Why are we here?

Then I say, "Um lets just think about having fun. Lets not put anything or anybody on the table."

Then I said, "I'm rusty. I haven't played in awhile. I was just hoping to hit a ball around a little bit."

Then she said, "You mean hit a ball with Maria, right? Hit a ball with Maria."

Then I said, "Yeah um eventually when I thought I was ready, when I thought I was okay to hit it back in the court.

But actually I thought you and I were a better match just because neither one of us has played in awhile.

So why don't we just enjoy this activity."

She just looked at me. Sipped her tea. Nodded.

Agreed with what she was hearing um what I had to say.

Then she leaned in and said under her breath as if I had no choice in the matter,

"I want to play for something. If I win your mine. You answer any question I ask you.

I get whatever I want, whenever I want it. If you win, its whatever you want however you want it, deal?"

I looked at her to check if she was being serious.

She was quite serious.

Then I said, "Okay but what about Maria? What's her stake in all of this?

I mean she gets a free pass because she's a pro?

I figure since you won"t let this go why not include her in whatever this is."

She looked at me. Her eyes fixed on me.

Thats when I said, "Its okay. There's no need to get upset. We are just talking."

She didn't say anything for several minutes.

I finished eating.

Then she said, "Wait let me understand this one more time.

Why does Maria have to be in this again? You can't handle me yourself?

Then I cut her off and said, "Your right I can't. Not by myself."

So with that being said what is Maria's part in all of this?

Is she a prize? Is she the real reason why we are playing to begin with?

Is it she and not me that your interested in?"

Then she got angry and said under her breath,

"I've been waiting here for you to stop this business with her.

Your trying to get back at me for something you know that I have to do.

I'm not here now for Maria.

You brought her in without discussing it with me first."

Then I said, "Jennifer, I didn't bring her into anything.

And to clear things up for me, bring her into exactly what?

Are we a couple? 

It doesn't feel like it to me.

You have a lot going on right now.

You see me in the dark.

Were vampires.

When does this end?

When is it all going to come out in the open?

As I said before I don't want to drown in your life.

And you said you understood.

Look. Maria is a friend.

A good, hot, tennis, friend.

Nothing more.

I just get the feeling that there's more to what your saying because every conversation 

we have eventually gets to the subject of my relationship with Maria.

Jennifer. There is no relationship. Your seeing things that aren't there.

Then I said, "You know what, you know what, lets not play.

I don't want to play anymore. You win."

Then she got excited talking loudly as the crowded room got very very quiet,

"You can not not play! You can not not play!

Were playing! Your going to play and your going to enjoy it!

I don't care! 

Have what you want with her! Go play! Go win a Porsche for all I care!

I can't believe we can't play without it turning into God knows what!

I can't believe I put up with this from you!

Then she started pointing her finger at me,

"Your just scared! Scared to lose to a woman!

I can't believe what I put up with with you!"

(paws)

Yeah. She went on for awhile. She had an episode.

So we had to leave. I paid the check and we left through the kitchen.

She was still ranting and raving on the way out.

We got outside. She told everybody within the sound of her screaming voice that she didn't need any help.

Eventually I got her to calm down, to relax and to breathe.

I apologized for anything that I may of said that upset her.

She took my hand and we walked and talked for awhile.

We decided that we should play but not for you or Courteney.

We decided to keep both of you out of it and play for the original wager,

which was the yours or mine anything you want idea.

The whole not wanting to lose to a woman is ridiculous.

I've been losing to women ever since I can remember.

Just ask Alexandra.

If I'm going to lose to anyone like Jennifer then I've already won the match before it starts...

Hi. I'm sleeping.

Its quiet here in my dream.

Its raining tulips.

Your laying next to me.

We're holding hands.

Listening to the flowers grow.

Listening to what reminds us that we don't need anything at all.

I ask you if its okay if we just talk.

And you say, "Okay why not."

Then you kiss me.

You pull the blanket over us and jump on top of me.

We start wrestling.

I find your spot.

Your secret place.

I find Yuryevna.

Jennifer runs towards us, she's in love.

But its much two late.

They've got us and we can't break free.

Your so beautiful when your distracted.

Engaged in whatever it is that your doing.

Focused on the task at hand.

Its like the time that you came with me to my park in the middle of the night.

You said, "We need a key?"

I said, "The gate won't open without a key."

I showed them to you.

You lay down in the bed of flowers.

The tulips all around you.

Tulips that you fall madly in love with.

Tulips that felt the same way about you.

You enjoy them. Let them surround you.

You dance with them. Grow with them.

I watch you.

Listen to your beauty.

Hear every blemish.

Then as if we didn't know them at all, we hear the familiar coming.

What do we do?

Where do we run?

You decide that we should climb up The Great Tree.

Hide and hope that they just go away.

We climb up and rest.

The leaves hiding us from the sky and the darkness hiding us from the ground.

You whisper to me,

"Your tulips are so beautiful. I want to see more of them."

I reply, "The tulips told me that they want to see more of you two."

Then I say, "They asked me what took me so long for me to bring you here?

I told them that they kept us apart. That my second rich uncle kept you away.

Then you say confidently, "That won't happen again. They won't find us. I promise.

We can be together. You, me, and the beautiful beautiful tulips."

Then I say with regret, "No, no my Love. Not me, my rich uncle says I can not leave.

I watch over not just the tulips, but the roses, the carnations, and all of the other beauties that help us grow.

I can not leave. They need me. 

I am their caretaker.

Its not for not wanting. I want you. 

And that will never ever change.

You look at me, the dream within my dream.

Then I say quietly, "The tulips need to be watered, Beloved.

They need to be wet and I bring the rain.

You start fading away now.

Disappearing before my very eyes.

Then I say, "And while you are gone, gone to whatever it is they want you to be,

gone to let everyone else everywhere see what they want to see,

gone from this place in my heart.

I go forward. Back to what it was before.

I don't need any water Maria.

Instead of the rain my Beloved, I water them with my tears. 

Bye.