A commitment to off-season training has helped a sculpted Serena Williams show up in Australia in better physical condition than she's shown in recent years, but the reigning Australian Open champion will take the court in Melbourne next week coping with emotional turmoil recovering from the break-up of her recent relationship.
A wounded Williams reveals raw emotion and the personal pain she's endured since the split in the new blog posted on her web site.
"You just start dating a guy. He likes you, you like him. You guys want to spend every second together," Williams writes. "When you are not with him you are talking to him on the phone. You have deep feelings for him. The feelings keep developing. They keep growing. You begin to think this could be it. You begin to think I really think this is it for me..... You love being together. You can't stand being without each other. You start to feel like you have never felt before, and you do things for him you have never done before. He tells you he doesn't want to be with you and only you. He tells you he adores you. He tells you u guys were meant for each other. You care for him. You are falling for him. You take things slow. You don't want to make any mistakes. You go slower with him than you have ever done before. You don't rush to introduce him to your friends, let alone anyone else. You want it to be right. You are feeling this and you feel this could mean something. He communicates with you. He thanks God you are in his life. You guys have fun together. You laugh together. He talks about being and becoming serious with you. He talks about his desire to love you one day. He talks about he can't imagine not being with you. You think he's falling in love with you. But you can't be 100% sure. You guys have not said that sacred 4 letter word that starts with an L But you feel it deep deep in you. Deeper than you have in a long time."
In a blog entry that reads as if Williams took the pages from her personal diary and posted them on the web to share her heartbreak, the eight-time Grand Slam champ candidly discloses a sudden rupture in the relationship when her man stops calling, eventually informing her he needs "space." Williams, who can typically guard her emotions in interviews and post-match press conferences, shows a sensitivity and vulnerability in her blog.
"You ask him 'are we moving too fast?' He replies 'We are just following our hearts.' You start to trust him. Something you have not done since your first heart break. How long ago was that? You wonder. Trust is something you vowed you would never do again. But slowly your heart comes out of its steel enclosure. You feel like you can trust him. You feel as if everything you went though was for a reason. And the reason was to meet him. Days turns into weeks. And he tells you about the connection you guys have in each others hearts. Weeks turns into months and you slowly start to wean the other guys in your life out. And than it happens. No not the 'L' word. But what you have been most afraid of. What deep in your heart you have been afraid to confront. What you always suspected would happen one day sooner or later. HE STOPS CALLING. You panic. But you try to stay calm. He did this before when you first started talking, but u tried to forget it. You knew u should have not forgotten. But u tried to ignore it. He disappears for a week with no phone call. No answer to yours no nothing. Finally you hear from him. You want to rage you want to scream you want to cry. But you can't help you heart from feeling a tad bit happy. As you begin to ask him what happened he stops you. He says 'I need space.' You cringe at these words. This is the very reason you begin to think why your heart was in that steel enclosure. The reason you don't put your emotions your feelings, your heart into it. Because one day it always turns in to this day. But you are already too far out you are at the point of no return, you can't come back. You can't believe, although a piece of you does believe it. Space. How many time have you heard this before? Space? Wasn't you giving him enough? Space. Hummm you laugh because its so ridiculous. You laugh because again u knew this day would come. Why did you not listen to that little voice inside your hear telling you to 'watch out.' 'Be careful.' You laugh only because tears won't come."
The blog ends with Williams recounting a tearful catharsis and resolving to rebound, while wondering if she'll ever really find a true relationship again.
"Tears finally come and they make you feel a little better, but the pain is piercing through your soul," Williams writes. "The pain never hurts as bad as the first time. . But all the same you can't help but feel hopeless, foolish. Your great chance to be with your soul mate has again somehow slipped and failed. But eventually you know you will pick yourself up. Eventually you know you will try again. And eventually you know you will find the keys to you heart, but also in the back of your mind you think.... Will it happen again."
Media is full today with Serenas unhappy-ending love story.
Last year we had Henin, now Serena, I think perhaps it's a tactic of Serena for possible failure as an excuse..
Aw-hunh. [^o)] Isn't that convenient. I 'spect you right.
Hehe...You guys are being too suspicious i think...I didn't count her for such a romantic-foolish heart..."We have a hearts connection", "I thank God you're in my life", "We're meant to be together", "I wanna find my soulmate" stuff...But she can write well enough, i'll give her that! [;)]